Holiday Custody Schedules in Virginia: How to Avoid Conflict Over Thanksgiving and Christmas

The holidays are supposed to be about family, but for separated and divorced parents, they can bring stress and conflict. Who gets the children on Thanksgiving? Where will they wake up on Christmas morning? What happens if plans change at the last minute?



If you share custody in Virginia Beach or anywhere in Hampton Roads, a clear holiday schedule can protect your time with your children and help the season feel calmer for everyone.

Start With Your Custody Order

Your custody and visitation order is the rulebook. Many Virginia orders include a specific holiday schedule that overrides the regular weekly schedule.

Before you make travel plans or promises to family, review your order carefully and note:

• Which holidays are covered, such as Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Year's
• Whether holidays alternate each year
• Exact pickup and drop-off times and locations
• Who is responsible for transportation
• Any rules about travel outside Virginia

If your order is vague or doesn't mention holidays at all, disagreements are more likely. That may be a sign it is time to update your order.

Common Holiday Custody Schedules

Every family is different, but these schedules are common in Virginia:

• Alternating holidays: One parent has Thanksgiving in even years, and the other has it in odd years. Christmas often alternates the opposite way.
• Splitting the day: One parent has the children Christmas Eve through Christmas morning, and the other has them from Christmas afternoon on.
• Splitting winter break: Each parent gets half of the school winter break, often switching on a set date.
• Fixed holidays: Some families keep the same holidays every year based on traditions, such as one parent always hosting Thanksgiving.

Military families in Hampton Roads may need extra flexibility for deployments, duty schedules, and travel. A well-written order can plan for those situations in advance.

What Virginia Courts Consider

When parents can't agree, a judge decides custody and visitation based on the best interests of the child. Under Virginia Code § 20-124.3, the court looks at factors such as:

• The child's age, health, and needs
• Each parent's relationship with the child
• The role each parent has played in raising the child
• Each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent
• Each parent's ability to cooperate and resolve disputes
• The child's preference, if the child is old enough and mature enough

The factors about supporting the other parent and cooperating matter a lot at holiday time. A parent who refuses to share holidays or makes exchanges difficult may hurt their position in future custody decisions. Learn more in our guide to child custody laws in Virginia Beach.

Tips for a Smoother Holiday Season

A little planning can prevent a lot of conflict:

• Confirm plans early. Reach out in October or early November to confirm dates and exchange times in writing.
• Keep communication civil. Use text, email, or a co-parenting app, and keep messages short and focused on the children.
• Put changes in writing. If you agree to swap days, confirm it in writing so there's no confusion later.
• Share travel details. If you're traveling, share where the children will be and how to reach them.
• Keep children out of the middle. Avoid asking children to choose or to pass messages between parents.
• Be flexible when you can. Small accommodations can build goodwill for future holidays.

If you are planning to move, remember that Virginia law generally requires 30 days' advance written notice to the court and the other parent before relocating.

What If the Other Parent Won't Follow the Order?

If the other parent refuses to return the children, keeps them past the agreed time, or denies your holiday visitation, stay calm and avoid confrontation in front of the children. Then:

1. Document everything: dates, times, messages, and what happened.
2. Don't take matters into your own hands. Keeping the children in return can hurt your case.
3. Talk to an attorney. In Virginia, a parent can ask the court to enforce a custody order through a show cause proceeding. Repeated violations may also support a request to modify custody.

Being honest and following the order yourself matters. Learn why in our article on the consequences of lying in a custody case.

When to Update Your Custody Order

If your family's needs have changed, the holidays are often when the problems become clear. A court may modify custody or visitation when there has been a material change in circumstances and the change is in the child's best interests. Common reasons include:

• A parent's move or new work schedule
• Military deployment or transfer
• Children growing older with new school or activity schedules
• Ongoing conflict over vague holiday terms

Because court dates can take time, it's best to address holiday schedules well before the season begins.

Frequently Asked Questions

Who gets the children on Thanksgiving in Virginia?
It depends on your custody order. Many orders alternate Thanksgiving each year. If your order doesn't address it, parents can agree in writing or ask the court to set a schedule.

Can I take my children out of state for the holidays?
Check your order first. Some orders limit or require notice for out-of-state travel. When in doubt, get the other parent's written agreement.

What if we agree to a different holiday schedule than our order?
Parents can agree to changes, but put it in writing. If the arrangement will be permanent, consider asking the court to update your order.

What can I do if the other parent keeps the children past their time?
Document what happened and contact an attorney. Virginia courts can enforce custody orders through show cause proceedings.

How does the court decide holiday visitation?
The court considers the child's best interests, including each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent.

Get Help With Your Holiday Custody Schedule

Attorney Cheryl Eddy Benn has more than 35 years of experience helping Virginia Beach and Hampton Roads families with custody and visitation matters. Whether you need to clarify your holiday schedule, enforce your order, or request a change, we can help you protect your time with your children.

Call 757-895-7493 or contact us online to schedule a consultation. Learn more about our child custody and visitation services.

Disclaimer: This blog is for general information only and is not legal advice. Reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every custody case depends on its own facts and current Virginia law. Please contact an attorney about your situation.